New Website: www.confidentlydreaming.com

Hi There,

I have a new website!
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www.confidentlydreaming.com

See you there!

- Brandi

He's Got A Hold of Me

I Messed Up. 
One smile changed my life. One smile of longing and desire saturated me.
One smile grabbed my fleeting feet and pulled me towards a door reserved just for me.
Darkness and blindness overtook me and now I’m losing sight of direction.
I’m losing sight of me.

I reach out for an escape, a key…anything to help me flee.
Then I hear that smile say “I have the key. It’s just out of your reach”.
I stop.
     I crawl.
          I reach out.
                    I’m lost.
My smile. The smile reserved just for me persuasively repeats:
“This key.”
“This key depends on you, which depends on me.”
“Your only way out is to seek happiness in my inadequacies.”

I can’t do this, but I need that smile.
I want to smile.
No! I need to escape!

One. Two. Three. Breathe.

I Messed Up.
I’m sitting in a room full of strangers looking around at a pain.
A pain I thought was only reserved for me.
I see joy. I see confusion. I see comfort in a pair of eyes directed at me.
Those eyes give me peace. Peace that soon escapes me. It’s fleeting and those eyes now remind me – you’re not worthy of the love you seek. What do I do? Where do I go?

A light touch on my knee pushes me to proceed. A touch that reminds me it's time to begin my journey through the misery.

I can’t do this, but I need to.
I don’t want to.
Can I do this? Am I ready?

One. Two. Three. Breathe.

I Messed Up.
Headlines read “History Repeats Itself”, and the words don’t even phase me.
It’s a headline I’ve read a thousand times before, but I’m the master of my own destiny.
A headline can’t tell me where I’m going or who I’m about to be.
History hasn’t seen my journey.
I know who I am!
I won’t be her!
I won’t be the person I used to be.

Patterns develop and consequences surface…
I need to find help. I have to find help!
Where is that headline that warned me to…

One. Two. Three. Breathe.

I Messed Up.
It’s too late…
Sitting in dark room, pain has encased me and I’m resting my head on despair.
Darkness then succumbs to a light that highlights the sins of my history, and I’m now standing outside looking in at a reel of my past miseries.
My loneliness. My Agony. Every moment has me now questioning my decisions.

Please someone...anyone…“What must I do? Please end my suffering!”

He Then Tells Me:

Child, I hear your pain and it’s all for my glory.
You needed to hear my voice, but the worldly desires called your name and became a priority.
I've been through your pain!  I've been through your agony!
You hurt me when you turned to leave, AND as I watched you fight your way back to me.
What you haven't realized though is that I never left you. You were never alone.
Open and your eyes and realize...you're stronger than you've ever been before!

Did you feel me pull you from the blackness when you couldn’t find the key?
Did you feel my hand on your knee when I told you everything was going to be alright?
Did you feel me pulling you into the light when darkness was submerging you into your history?
Did you feel the peace come over you when you were kneeling and pleading to breathe?

Did you hear me say, “Child, It’s Me.” when the waterfalls of pain washed you clean?
Do you feel that? It's my love!
Welcome home. You're back where you should be.

Hope and joy will soon surpass your darkest memories. 

Just remember, 
Thanksgiving is all I require. 

History will not repeat itself when you strive to be more like me!
Come My Child. It's time. 

It's time to...

One. Two. Three. 
Breathe! 

Inspired by: 2 Corinthians 1

It's Just One Question.

A question that exploits the inadequacies in our perfect lives.

A question that could muddy the clearest of minds.

A question that curves the straightest of paths.

A question that could push you to stumble and fall.

A question that could reveal your desires and dreams. 

One simple question. A question to change it all!

Our lives are predetermined at birth by the hopes and dreams of the ones who have come before us. Governments drill math, science, art and history into our minds with the hopes of igniting a spark; but we continue to wander aimlessly through twelve years of adolescent life. Only to enter a brand new world, and check a box on a form stating, “I will be ______ for the rest of my life”.

We live in bliss. We live in sorrow. We display our adventures. We tell the world of our success. We dare our peers to imitate us and we ask strangers to follow. We confess to anyone who will listen, “My life is exactly where it should be”, and hide our inadequacies and jealousy behind a smile in a selfie.

Then one sunny afternoon, one question turns your straight path into a fork and you begin to wonder, “What have I achieved?”

Opportunity, Responsibility, Elevation, Transformation, Desires and Heart.

We are all capable of achieving each of these; yet we climb...we fail…we climb again… all to exclaim “It’s Impossible!” in the end. So we stand in the mirror looking at a reflection of empty desires and say for the first time, “Please, I need help with my life”.

Your peers say ‘emulate me’.

The stars say “replicate Me”.

The media says “You’re Not You! You’re whoever I say you should be”.

So you turn to professionals and authors who sell you half a revelation, purposely leaving lint in your pockets where your dream should be. New transformations equal new desires, but your old life reappears and now you’re walking the aisles searching for answers in another PHD. All the while, you ignore the light and turn a blind eye to the endcap with a book that says:

Seek Me.

Buy Me.

Open Me. 

The answer you need is in the nineteenth book and thirty-seventh chapter of me. 

Life now seems renewed with a simple turn of a page, but “that’s impossible” hesitation reminds you; infiltrating your mind with its infamous cloak of denial. So you leave your book at home and find...

Your peers who say “emulate me”.
The stars who say “replicate me”.
The media who says “I already told you. You’re whoever I say you should be.”

Now you’re standing at a fork in the road with self-desires calling you from both sides, when a small voice penetrates your heart asking you to:

Seek me. 

Pick me.

I wrote the answer you need in the nineteenth book and thirty-seventh chapter of me.

A small voice says “yes” when asked “Can it really be that easy?”
“All you have to do is trust me, dedicate your life to me, obey me and love me!”

One question. One simple question. No longer a question at all.
All because you trusted in a book and an author who reveals:

“I have always had the answers you were seeking. You just had to find me!”

Inspired by: Psalms 37 

I Owe Him My Life

My life is not perfect, but it’s MY life.

It’s full of lessons, trials, joy, tribulations, grief, adventure, sadness, confusion, pain and so much more.

I have tested murky waters with the tip of my toe, and other days I have swam in the deep end. 

I have loved the wrong people, and shunned the right people.

I have jumped into black pits of misery, and I have climbed the tallest ladders to joy.

I have laid eyes on beauty rival of my wildest dreams, and breathed in air so pure - life seemed like a dream. 

I have learned that good doesn’t always mean right, and pain always equals hope.
Perseverance and I are on a first name basis, but history seems to always repeat itself.
I have eaten the forbidden fruit, and let the sweet nectar blind my eyes from all that is good.
I have ungratefully escaped death’s grip; and foolishly tested him as well.
I have received love to rival the most infamous heroines, but it never seems to outweigh the black love the penetrates your mind and body.
I shouldn’t be writing this today, but I’m here. Why?
Because of Him.

You see, there’s a man who saved me.

He warned me to stop when I tested the murky waters, and stood nearby with a lifevest and towel after my deep sea swim. 

He provided me with a Kleenex when the tears in my eyes had no end, and smiled when I finally learned to make the right decisions. 

He threw down a ladder when the black pits of misery prevented me from finding an exit, and then pushed me up the ladder to joy on the other side.

He stood by and held my hand when I experienced true beauty for the first time, and he calmed my anxiety when I breathed in the pureness around me thereafter. 

He fought for me with his Father when my decisions tainted my first, second and third impressions; and He helped ease the pain when life was too hard to hold on to.

He patiently reminded me that he would never grow tired of me replaying my favorite song; and when I had my fill, he introduced me to a life changing genre. 

While he constantly warned me of my intolerance to the sweet fruits calling my name, he always stayed by my side when the adverse effects came over me. 

He removed the blinders when my one-track mind took control, and revealed to me a life outside of my goals. 

He protected me when the tons of steel could not, and jolted me awake when my body gave in to the slumber. 

He reminded me that I’m capable of love no matter what the world says, and proved to his father the same. 

The man who saved me.  The man I owe everything to...

He is also the man who died for me. 

He died for the good that resides in me and he died for the bad that took over me.  He saved me from the wrath of his father, who revealed to me 'He loved me before He knew me’. His love for me has no earthly ties, for His love shines on me from the bluest of skies. 

This man redefined perseverance. This man gave me a whole new meaning for hope.  

This man was my saving grace. 

This man is my saving grace. 

My life is not perfect, but it's HIS life. 

Inspired by: Romans 5

So, I Have A Guy...

I dare you to call him! 

Fear is a powerful thing. Fear grips you emotionally, physically and spiritually and holds on tight until you grab a hold of something bigger. That could be faith. That could be hope. That could even be love. However, does fear ever truly leave you after you decide to let go? What happens when you get a hairline fracture in your armor? Just like water, fear exploits the weak and slowly seeps back into your life until the dam breaks. Then you’re right back where you started and now more scared than you’ve ever been before. 

What if I told you I knew of an armor that is impenetrable? An army of a thousand men could aim their weapons at you, fire, and absolutely no harm would come to you. Would you believe me?

This armor can only come from one person (well, technically 3 – but I’ll fill you in on that later) and all you have to do is call him. His services include a new environment, identity, food, shelter, a guide for your new life, and shoulder for you to lean on. However, he won’t do all of this for free. Come on, who would? There is a payment, but it’s more than manageable. 

He only requires a sincere thank you and asks that you spread the word so he can help others flee from fear as well.

I met Him about 2 years ago when I was drowning in debt and sorrows and I couldn’t tell up from down. I was successful to those who saw me, but my life was in ruins. I had enough emotional baggage to last a lifetime, and the fear of the unknown gripped my body so tight; sleep and breathing seemed hard at times. Like the stories I’ve heard before me, He quickly swooped in and stated some changes had to be made. He gave me a new identity, moved me to a new city, found me a new job, gave me a support system, provided me with a daily guide for my new life, and gave me a shoulder to lean on through it all. I’ve heard stories of Him my entire life, and I’m pretty sure I’ve met Him in passing a time or two. However, I never truly understood the stories until I had my own one-on-one encounter with him. 

So here I am, 2 years later and I must say that I owe everything to Him. He even purchased my new armor to wear and I couldn’t help but smile when He told me it came with a lifetime guarantee.  

So, are you interested? A life of fear is no way to live and there is an out. Why not take it?

You see, He has this “refer a friend” program and If I bring you to Him, he’ll never forget it when I have another crisis. Ultimately, it just makes Him happy, and that’s the least I can do after everything He’s done for me. 

He has multiple phone lines, and unlimited minutes, BUT He is a busy man. So if you call Him and get put on hold, just stay on the line and He’ll be with you shortly. I had to wait too, but it wasn’t for long. 

So help yourself AND me out by giving him a call. Or if you’re a bit shy like I was, text him at 53787. The crazy part - His number also spells out his first name…

JESUS.

Growing Into My Prayer

Morning Prayers in Montego Bay, Jamaica

I remember as a child watching the deacons and pastors in the pulpit pray until there was nothing left to be said. The prayers were grand and theatrical and I couldn't help but wonder, "Was that prayer for me or was that prayer for God?"

It was those prayers that made me self-conscience as an adult.

In my mind, my prayers didn’t have the right words, they didn’t have the right rhythm and they didn’t have the right flair. I often found myself trying to mimic what I heard on Sunday and my prayers no longer became about what I needed. Instead I replayed the deacons and pastors requests from the pulpit hoping my words were the right ones.

We can all say that I should have known better, but these are the very inadequacies new Christians feel every single day. You combine a new journey with adolescence and it’s not all that shocking as to why young adults feel scared to stand up in front of everyone to pray.  It took me a long time to understand Matthew 6:5-15.

When you pray, you are not to be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on the street corners so that they may be seen as men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your father who is in secret, and your father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.

This statement is not about public prayer versus private prayer, but it’s more about genuine versus false. The saving grace about prayer is that God already knows what you need before you even ask him. So even if you fumble some words around, forget your place or leave something unspoken, you’re good! As long as your prayer came from the heart.

It took 30 years for me to realize, genuine prayer can be long and flashy, but my simple request from the heart carries just as much, if not more weight with Him as well. 

Inspired by: Matthew 6